Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
