This is not my ceiling
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
