Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
