i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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