I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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