my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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