we have pet lesbian snakes
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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