if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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