That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
