Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
