He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
