Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
