I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
