I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
