her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize