Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
