Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Panties = found
Randomize
