my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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