All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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