There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
