I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
