Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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