i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
