You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
