hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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