He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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