so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
