Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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