I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
