She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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