God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
