Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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