why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
