atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
