he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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