we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's never too late to be topless.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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