there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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