You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
