Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
