Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
