I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just high enough for therapy.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
