Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize