I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Randomize
