Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
