sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
