im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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