Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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