does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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