im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
