don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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