i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
