I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
