I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
