nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
