i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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