'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My vagina just clenched in fear
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
