I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
