It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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