need another drink. this is the easiest way
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
