Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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