Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
