yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
