why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
