I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I got her a Nickelback box set.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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