i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
