i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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