So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she told me i tasted like america
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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