I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
