You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
