At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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