You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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